Sad News: Kenzo World Does Not Smell Like Shooting Laser Beams Out of Your Fingertips

Remember this fab/ bonkers perfume ad for Kenzo World?


 

Look at her go! Too bad the perfume itself is a total disappointment–after waiting ten damn months, I finally picked up a sample at Sephora the other day, and felt so let down. Kenzo World does NOT smell like the video suggests it smells. Admittedly, I’m not sure what face twitches, high kicks, and finger lasers should smell like, but generic super-sweet girl scent is NOT it. There is nothing interesting about the scent–it’s just a high, bright, strong, saccharine wallop with no complexity and no darkness to counterbalance the sweetness.

Here are some perfumes that smell better.

Masion Martin Margiela Replica Beach Walk. Performs as advertised for sure! Smells coconutty, warm, sunshiny. Lovely bottle. Irritates my skin a bit, so I tend to spritz it onto my camisole and hair, rather than my wrists.

Atelier Cologne Figuier Ardent. As mentioned recently, I love this stuff–I’m on my second travel-sized version. Green and sexy. Once wore this on a romantic liaison with an extremely attractive German man, and he stills texts to say he misses me. I blame the perfume.

L’Artisan Parfumeur Timbuktu. Smells like a sexy rich man’s bug spray, and I mean that as a good thing. I never wear this one on dates, but save it for occasions when I want to feel interesting and powerful. (In retrospect, maybe I should wear it on dates.) I’m running so low on this one… very tempted to repurchase, as this is such a unique scent, and I’m still in love after years of wear. It’s almost finger laser worthy.

Dior Dune. This is my usual date perfume. I think it’s supposed to be beachy, but to me, the dune it evokes is a dune in the desert near an oasis. It’s a hot and spicy dune, rather than an oceanic dune. I still love it, and would whole-heartedly recommend it if you want something feminine and sophisticated and strong. However, I am not thinking of repurchasing it. I have worn it on so many dates, it almost smells like a bad date to me now (oh, modern romance), and I think it’s time for a new vibe.

Finger lasers!

 

Retail Therapy

My therapist gave me permission to shop (yes, she’s the best), so I have been doing my best to stem the tide of shattering grief by buying things. I suppose it’s working, considering I’m not crying my face off right now?

Here’s what I bought:

stuff

Two black tees. I’m taking a little vacation from that denim-shirts-as-performance-art thing I’ve been doing for a while now, and have decided that my summer look is going to be a tight t-shirt tucked into a denim skirt. I wasn’t planning on all black tees–one is linen, the other is a cotton/ modal blend–but so far haven’t seen a v-neck in the right grey. V-necks don’t seem to be in at the moment?

Sweet Georgia Tough Love Sock yarn in Lady Grey. I’m normally not a fan of superwash yarns due to the texture, but this stuff is lovely–really nice feel, soft halo, gorgeous colour. I’m also not normally a sock knitter, so this will end up as a scarf. I’m even hand-winding the ball, just to maximize the textural pleasures.

Papa Recipe Bombee Ginseng Red Honey Oil sheet mask. No idea if I’ll like this mask or not, but I’ve heard good things about Papa Recipe, so my hopes are high(ish).

Missha Shower Towel. This promises “Best Quality & High Life” on the package, and you know I love the high life. I use an epilator, which requires an on-point exfoliation game. I’m hoping this scratchy thing–it has the texture of a pot-scrubber–will do the trick.

Atelier Cologne in Figuier Ardent. This perfume blends fig leaf from Provence, bergamot from Calabria, and tonka bean from Brazil. Fuck knows what a goddamn tonka bean is (this? [actually this is kind of interesting]) but this perfume is a favourite of mine–green and fresh, yet sultry at the same time. It is gorgeous and interesting. (I do not know how to talk about smells.) This is actually a re-purchase; my first 7.5mL travel spray lasted about a year and a half (I rotate between 4 or 5 different scents). I do think the full size is worth it, but in the context of this weekend’s shopping-for-happiness thing, I decided that 100mL would not make me happer than 7.5 mL, so here we are.

Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof Liner in Black. Using that handy Wayne Goss technique, I’ve been using a black eyeshadow to line my eyes, and generally managing to not make a total hash of it. But the shadow does not stay put–especially if I’ve been dancing and getting sweaty–so I’m hoping to use the Goss technique with this Tarte liner for smudge-free fun times. The Tarte liner was recommended by Tamara at the Robson Sephora, and she seemed like a trusty little gal. Also I love the gold lid–so shiny!

The Annual Balcony Refresh

These before and after pics are a little bit boring, because all I did was clean… but damn, scrubbing down my balcony once a year is just immensely satisfying.

Every winter, the balcony gets super grimy and even grows a bit of algae. It’s gross.

So each spring I wipe down the railings, scrub the floor, and wash the windows inside and out.

And afterwards, it looks SO MUCH BETTER, and I can step outside in bare feet without contracting tuberculosis of the foot.

Of course, scrubbing doesn’t help the globs of orange paint left behind by a previous tenant (I think the kitchen used to be that colour, if you can imagine!), but–so clean. So clean!

Of course if I were a legit blogger, I’d swap out the furniture I don’t like–the round wire chairs were inherited from the previous tenant, and they are NOT comfortable–and fill the place with way more plants, and maybe add an outdoor rug… But for a zero-dollar-enjoy-what-you-got-ain’t-nobody-sponsoring-this style refresh, I am happy (and sitting outside as I type this).

Link 86: Oh My God Hollywood is Dumb

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEY ASKED WILLIAM FREAKING GIBSON TO WRITE THE THIRD ALIEN MOVIE AND THEY DIDN’T EVEN FREAKING FILM IT. I mean, COME ON: “Ripley’s cryo-pod gets damaged and she goes into a coma, and little Newt is wisely sent back to Earth to stay with family (there’s a sweet scene where she draws a map of where she’ll be and pins it next to the comatose Ripley)…” I’ve never even seen Alien 3 but I would have watched the fuck out of Alien III.

Link 85: On 1D Drag

I really (really!) don’t listen to One Direction, and don’t listen to any of the boys’ solo efforts, either. (I made it about a minute into “Sign of the Times” before turning it off.) However… there is something very entertaining–very compelling–about 1D fans, and their relationship with the band.

This piece from Racked about fans dressing like the band is a super interesting read. A “respect for the femme” is perhaps what I find so enjoyable about following the boys’ celebrity, even if I have no use for their music.

Links 83 and 84: A Couple Of Funnies from Elle

I did read some serious/ seriously good stuff this week (ie. that slavery article, plus this and this, all devastating in their own way. I’m slightly surprised that Tizon’s essay was mentioned in this piece by Jia Tolentino because I think it’s a form of memoir that’s vastly different from the kind of schlock that xoJane used to trade in [and I don’t think The Toast shut down because of a shifting landscape of personal essay writing, but because of Nicole and Mallory’s shifting goals and needs]; however, if Tolentino hadn’t written her piece then we wouldn’t have this bit of genius, so there’s that). (Also, Karen Templer’s wardrobe planning is envy-inducing and oh so inspiring.) Anyways…

I was left rather hollowed-out feeling by Tizon’s writing and the story of his untimely passing, but Elle served up a couple of good palate-cleanser-y pieces, and now I’m thinking I should be checking Elle.com out on a more regular basis? Maybe? This piece on ultra-long hair extensions was just exactly what I would want out of an article on ultra-long hair extensions (plus I am really digging her outfit!) and this piece on the problem with calling it a “romphim” is so right and very funny. I will 100% forever read everything about dudes in rompers because honestly they are sort of cute and people should just wear what they wanna wear but all of the *controversy* is highly entertaining. It’s this week’s Fyre Festival, no?